


Tales of Hawk Moth and his weird pink kwami friend thing

by Joeggernaut



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Count Chocula - Freeform, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:14:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6037665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joeggernaut/pseuds/Joeggernaut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawk Moth is a very, very evil man. You may not think it given his morning routine, but oh man is this guy evil. Remember that one time he possessed a child!? That was pretty evil. I mean, sure, he was like, super nice to her and stuff. But it was still bad!<br/>Oh-Oh, and that one time he sent Chat Noir flying across the Paris skyline-, no, no wait that was Ladybug, in the same episode.<br/>Uh, he's evil. Just take my word for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tales of Hawk Moth and his weird pink kwami friend thing

**Author's Note:**

> Spent like a solid hour on this. Now you may be thinking, this is a total waste of time. Why did you waste your time on this author? You know you have things to do right? Like important, adult things. 
> 
> And I say to you, no! I don't have better things to do. This is very important. 
> 
> Also I say to you, if you notice spelling errors or something let me know.

Hawk Moth didn’t much care for memes. Now, I know what you’re thinking. What kind of evil man is he? But try as he might, he just could never get into them. So when he woke up this morning to find another printout of grumpy cat lying on his face, he was not very amused.

“You know,” He said aloud. “Printing isn’t free.”

His pink kwami floated up from behind his pillow giggling to itself.

“But your likeness is so apparent!” It squeaked out in a jovial little voice.

“This is the 8th day in a row,” he said flatly, “Give it a rest.” He looked at it again

“And you could at least print it in color.” He added.

He got out of bed and stretched. The pink kwami, who for the sake of this story will be called Pinkie, flew up to him and gave him a light peck on the cheek.

“Morning,” Pinkie said as if they hadn’t just had that exchange.

“Yes, morning,” He replied. He turned back and began making his bed. Hawk Moth was a very clean man. All of his things were kept in nice, neat order. After making his bed, he grabbed his outfit he’d had already laid out the day before and went over to his bathroom where he:

  1. Shaved his face
  2. Clipped his fingernails
  3. Brushed his teeth
  4. Flossed
  5. Used mouthwash
  6. Took a shower
  7. Applied deodorant
  8. Changed into his Sunday best



What a way to start the morning. Pinkie, on the other hand, did the following things during Hawk Moth’s morning ritual:

  1. Made faces to itself in a mirror
  2. Decided that its gender will be feminine because referring to her as “it” is really annoying
  3. Picked up the Grumpy Cat printout so she could use it again the following day.
  4. Fly over to the pantry and attempt to break her record of most large marshmallows she can stuff in her mouth at one time. Her high score was 4, but she was pretty sure she could do better.



 

After he was ready, Hawk Moth made his way to the kitchen, just in time to find Pinkie practically choking to death on marshmallows.

 “Would you stop with this?” Hawk Moth lectured as he tapped the back of her head to clear up her throat. She spat out 2 soggy marshmallows and 1 partially chewed one.

 “I panicked and just tried eating them,” she complained. “It didn’t work though.”

“Well of course it didn’t work,” he replied. He eyed the kwami curiously. “Do you even need air to live?”

“No, not really.”

“So then why did you panic?” Pinkie turned to him frowning.

“Well I didn’t like having my mouth filled with marshmallow!” She shouted defiantly.

“Then why do you try to shove so many in your mouth!” He yelled back. Pinkie just scoffed.

“You’re just too old to understand, grandpa.” Hawk Moth furrowed his brow.

“OH, I’m sorry,” he said sarcastically, “I must just be too old for this kind of thing. Not like you, you’re like, what? 5000 years old, give or take a million.” Pinkie frowned.

“Low blow Moth man, low blow,” she responded.

Hawk Moth just rolled his eyes and prepared his breakfast. One fried egg on one slice of toast, a banana, a glass of soy milk, a glass of water, a few sliced strawberries, and a nice bowl of Count Chocula cereal. He knew the cereal wasn’t really heathy, or that good for that matter. But seeing Count Chocula’s face on that box really helped him get motivated for his day. With his tagline, “I want to eat your cereal!” he was all business, but with a name like Count Chocula, he clearly also had a sense of humor and appreciated a good pun. Hawk Moth really empathized with that at this moment in his life. So, chocolaty sugar cereal it is.  

Hawk Moth began digging into his rather large breakfast. Pinkie was also eating her own bowl of Count Chocula, except she ate it dry. Hawk Moth really valued breakfast. His motto would have been, “The most important meal of the day!” if that wasn’t so freaking stupid sounding. What was he, a kindergarten teacher? No he was not. Although, he thought, the most success he had in a while had been with that kid, what was her name? Mitten? Minion? Whatever, the puppeteer. Perhaps kids made good targets after all. Anyways, the point is, that wasn’t his motto. He didn’t have much a motto actually. He supposed that he yelled, “I will have your miraculouses!” a lot. But that wasn’t really a motto. He glanced back at the cereal box.  

“I want to eat your cereal!” it read.

_I want to take your miraculous!_

 It could work.

 

He finished his cereal and went on to his egg and toast.

“You know,” he said aloud, biting into egg, “I just had a thought.” Pinkie looked up from her cereal.

“What?”  
“You remember Time Breaker? The girl who went back in time.”

“Vaguely.”

“Doesn’t her time traveling mess up several well established theories about time-space?”

Pinkie stopped to consider this for a second.

“I don’t know anything about time-space.” She decided.  Hawk Moth cocked his head to the side, thinking.

“I don’t really know much about it either, maybe I should look into it.”  
“I don’t think it’ll help you beat Ladybug and Chat Noir.”

“Please, I _will_ beat them. It’s only a matter of time.” Pinkie nodded.

“You’re probably right.”

 

Finally, they both finished their breakfast and it was time to get to work. Hawk Moth called on Pinkie to transform. She flew into his, uh, bow-tie I guess, and he transformed into his familiar self.

He made the long trek into his observatory room, and slipped inside; make sure none of the butterflies got out. He didn’t have an infinite supply after all.

 

He stood in the center of the room and closed his eyes. Time to find a target to akumatize.

He waited about a solid 5 minutes before his mind began to wander. This always happened on slow days. So times, he’d find someone within seconds of looking. But everyone seemed to be having just a normal day. No strong negative emotions to be found.  

So he got to thinking. If energy is conserved, and Pinkie turned him into Hawk Moth, who has a cane, does that mean that Pinkie’s matter became the cane’s. He peeked his eyes open and glanced at the cane. It couldn’t have just come out of nowhere. So, that meant it had to be her, right? That’s weird.

He dwelled on this a bit longer. Then finally he had a hit. Someone was emoting. He honed in on them.

 

Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She was having a rough day. What a bad feeling fear is. Being afraid of rejection, of unrequited love, is so hard. She’d make a good target. Hawk Moth watched her as if she had a camera on her. She was shaking and holding a letter. A love letter perhaps. Ah, young love. This was reminding Hawk Moth of the other love struck teen he had akumatized. What was his name? Like Kyle or something? Kim? Dark Cupid. He’d been pretty successful. Of course he failed, but it wasn’t too bad. Hawk Moth mulled over Ms. Dupain-Cheng a bit. She wasn’t all that impressive really, but a target is a target. Perhaps he should send an akuma and … But just then another person went up to her. Brown hair, mole, glasses, she seemed familiar. Oh, Right! Lady Wifi. That must be her. It was weird seeing unakumatized people in the wild. Lady Wifi had done a good job. Good fighter. But, he remembered, she was supposed to take the miraculous when she had Ladybug trapped and instead tried to play reporter and let her escape. Well, he _had_ suggested she use her lucky charm. But still! She should have been more focused on taking the miraculous, not finding her identity! Her identity didn’t matter if she didn’t have the miraculous!

Come to think of it, none of the teenagers he akumatized tried to actually get the miraculouses. They all had some ulterior motive! Like Time Breaker! She wasn’t interested in helping him. She just wanted her stupid, what was it, a necklace or something, fixed. She barely tried taking the miraculous. And the Bubbler! He had a perfect chance and instead sends them to space! How was that supposed to help!? And the Horrificator! She was more interested in rounding up all her dumb classmates. And then she gets beaten by a freaking lullaby!? What was that? He’d give anything to unhear Ladybug sing that awful song. Ugh, maybe teenagers weren’t the way to go.

He looked back a Marinette. She was still within the emotional threshold to be possessed.  But…

“Pass,” he said aloud.

He turned his attention back to looking for potential targets. After another 30 minutes of nothing, he decided to just call it a day. He de-transformed. Pinkie came stumbling out into his open palms.

“Nothing today?” She asked.

“Not unless I wanted another teenager to talk to.”  
“So what do you want to do for the rest of the day?” Pinkie asked.

“Uh,” Hawk Moth considered for a moment, “We could just like, watch a movie or something I guess.”

“Okay,” she giggled. And they left the observatory to catch a flick.


End file.
